How to Break Free from Anxiety Spirals (and Take Back Your Calm)
Person is spiralling anxiety and later feeling regret or shame for their own behaviours.
Anxiety spirals have a way of sneaking in—suddenly your chest is tight, your brain is racing, and you’re doing anything to escape the feeling. Sound familiar? This article breaks down why your body reacts this way, how past hurts fuel today’s panic, and what you can do to stop the spiral before it runs your life.
Spiraling anxiety can drive us to do and say things we regret—or at the very least, make life a lot harder in the moment.
Do you sometimes find yourself spiraling out of control? You’re doing fine… fine… and then suddenly, hair-on-fire not fine at all! Anxiety, worry, doubt—your thinking brain has been hijacked, and now your fight-or-flight system is running the show.
If your anxiety is fueled by relationship struggles, you might catch yourself thinking:
“Am I neglecting myself out of fear of losing someone?”
“Am I falling back into old patterns of people-pleasing?”
“How is this anxiety so strong after all the self-work I’ve done?”
“Why do I feel this way right now? I need to escape!”
And off you go—racing thoughts, no coherent plan, just that desperate urge to shut it down. You reach for food, a drink, your phone—anything to “calm the f*ck down.” But it’s not what you want to be doing. You wanted to finish that paper, cook dinner, wrap up work. Instead, focus has left the building, and you’re stuck with your body’s alarm bells.
Is There Really No Choice?
It can feel like you’ve lost control, but let’s look closer. Why does this happen, and what can you actually do about it?
Psychologists have studied this for decades. But beyond the theories and textbooks, I’ve lived it myself. I’ve felt that overwhelming anxiety, and the strategies I’m sharing are the ones I use, over and over.
At its core, this kind of spiral usually happens because your body is holding on to old hurts. Maybe it was one deep wound. Maybe it was “death by a thousand cuts.” Either way, it doesn’t help to compare or minimize—“It wasn’t that bad, so why do I feel this way?” The truth is, you feel what you feel.
When reactions are faster and stronger than the situation seems to warrant, it’s a signal: there’s something inside asking to be processed. Does that mean years of therapy? Not necessarily. For some, one session can start the shift. For others, it takes longer—especially if shame has kept those fears locked away.
And yes, talking helps. What we don’t say—what stays unspoken and unfaced—often resurfaces as overwhelming emotion when triggered today. The body responds like you’re in danger: adrenaline pumps, heart races, thoughts scatter. That’s why somatic work is important too. Notice what your body is doing while you share your story. Slow down. Let emotions, sensations, and thoughts surface together. Sometimes this takes one session. Sometimes three. It’s not a race.
Looking at the Past vs. the Present
Here’s what often fuels anxiety: past hurt convinces us we should’ve seen it coming. So in the present, we stay hypervigilant, scanning for danger signs.
“What were the red flags?”
“Did I miss something before?”
“Is this happening again?”
And that’s usually when anxiety surges, spiraling out of proportion to what’s actually happening now.
Talking it through with someone helps you “take the monster out of the closet.” When you hold the past up against your present reality, you often see how different things are:
You’re safe.
You’re in a better place.
You may have supportive friends, a home, a job, maybe even joy.
Comparing the two helps you ask: So what’s really triggering me now?
When you can spot the pattern—“When this happens, I react like this”—you can start to reframe. Like a scientist, map it out. Then, when calm, create a new way of looking at it that feels grounding and secure.
Building Your Exit Strategy
Think about the emergency exit maps posted in buildings: simple instructions like, “Don’t use the elevator, take the stairs.” In a real fire, your brain forgets. That’s why the signs are there.
Anxiety is no different. Make yourself an “exit strategy” for when it starts to rise. Write out the steps. Post them where you’ll see them. Practice them. Visualize using them. Work with your therapist to refine them. That way, when the clenching stomach, rising temperature, darting eyes, or restless fingers start, you don’t need to scramble. You already have your plan.
And remember—don’t expect perfection. This isn’t about never spiraling again. It’s about recognizing what’s happening, facing it, and choosing differently more often. Every attempt is progress.
My Own Experience
Before I understood any of this, my spirals led me into all kinds of destructive choices. Drinking, numbing, anything to escape. It felt out of my control—and that left me deeply sad.
Today, I know myself better. I see when I’m triggered. Do I still spiral? Sometimes, yes. But less often, and for shorter periods. And I truly believe I’m moving toward a life where anxiety doesn’t get to run the show.
That’s what I want for you, too. Keep working at it. Be patient with yourself. Even if you stumble, you’ll get up faster next time. And every step you take is part of building a calmer, stronger, more resilient you.
